So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Be still, my beating vagina.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
