rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
