sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
