I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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