just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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