thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize