my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
