Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
