I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
