There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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