I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
