So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
