I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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