She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
