Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You're a waste of cheezeits
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
