i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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