My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
