She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Come on in and take your pants off
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