I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
