Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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