i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
