dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
