have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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