OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
