I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I want a musical about memes.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize