Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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