so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
