Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
