If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
