Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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