i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
