he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You ate ashes out of my bong
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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