I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
