I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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