well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
