kristin has been a bad kristin
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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