The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
