Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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