walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sorry about my life...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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