In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
