Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Randomize
