if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
