Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
