Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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