I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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