Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize