dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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