can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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