i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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