anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
