my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
