This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
