Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
