I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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