Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
