I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
