Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
