he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
