she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize