I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
