i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
