i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
