I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
