My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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