If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
