so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
3 2 1 whiskey
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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