all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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