this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
