Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Someone came in the potted fern
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Of course I have a pirate flag
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
