marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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