It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
