I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
