I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
