At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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