Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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