i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize