Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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